DBZ Texts from Last Night

dbztextsfromlastnight:

(717):

Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom

(via dbztextsfromlastnight)

dbztextsfromlastnight:

(705):

Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn’t fit seven dicks in my mouth.

(916):

She said she liked strap-ons.

(1-916):

SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU’RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!

dbztextsfromlastnight:

(812):

Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.

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dbztextsfromlastnight:

(704):

I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn’t stop thinking about how scary space is

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Submitted by the amazing sexystrifebullshit, thank you Rose!

dbztextsfromlastnight:

(646):

HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.

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dbztextsfromlastnight:

(916):

Don’t bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms

dbztextsfromlastnight:

(816):

dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine

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dbztextsfromlastnight:

(210):

I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it’s guna be an awkward breakfast.

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dbztextsfromlastnight:

(317):

He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.

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dbztextsfromlastnight:

(334):

I can’t break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.

(1-334):

Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn’t date female engineers.

(via dbztextsfromlastnight)