dbztextsfromlastnight:
(567): Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn’t catch me tho.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn’t catch me tho.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
(310): we’ve had our differences but let’s set them aside, go home and fuck
we’ve had our differences but let’s set them aside, go home and fuck
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
(541): I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said “no, it’s too big to fail”
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said “no, it’s too big to fail”
(623):
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they’re just too beautiful not to.
(717): Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
(via dbztextsfromlastnight)
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
(705): Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn’t fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn’t fit seven dicks in my mouth.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU’RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
(812): Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
(704): I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn’t stop thinking about how scary space is
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn’t stop thinking about how scary space is
Submitted by the amazing sexystrifebullshit, thank you Rose!
(646): HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
